Where's my grown-up guidance counselor?!

I've just read an interesting article npr posted about Georgetown University's recent study on unemployment and college majors.

This article sheds light on a problem facing both American and Canadian graduates and young professionals. While it is true that there is no one path or guaranteed method to obtaining the dream job (right?!) there is definitely information that one can learn, and should probably learn sooner than later. I don’t recall receiving guidance of any relevance when I was in high school, and I don’t even know if there was someone at my university I could have talked to who could have helped me prepare for entering the job market, or work to improve my job prospects. 

Now, five years after receiving my undergraduate degree – albeit in the non-specific field of Liberal Arts – I have worked a myriad of jobs, have no real savings, no clue what I want to do, and doubts about returning to school to improve my prospects. I need a guidance counselor now as much as I ever needed one in High School. True, there are “career counselors” however they cost a fortune that I can’t afford – and my therapist (whom really, I also can’t afford) won’t give me advice because of course I am to have realizations/revelations of my own – which is so annoying.  

Honestly, right now, all I want is for someone to tell me what to do. I’m tired of feeling blindly around, hoping I’ll somehow stumble upon the secret stepping stone to my brilliant career. 

I loved school, I would love to go back – have a structure and purpose to every day – but I can’t help but wonder if a graduate degree is worth it. Seems to me I’m more likely to end up with debt and a piece of paper on my wall than with greater job options and higher earning power. These are the conundrums I wish more people were talking about. Okay fine, there has been a fair bit of coverage on the topic of the millennial generation’s employment struggles but statistics and studies is not enough! Stop telling me about my bleak prospects (because believe me, I am well aware) and start telling me how to challenge them! Where’s my grown-up guidance counselor?!

"And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer." 

- Nick Carraway, The Great Gatsby 

Today I worked myself into the closest to a panic attack as I've ever come. (While on my lunch break - I'm super professional like that).

It all started when I decided (against better judgement) to watch this video:

Yes, today I watched the TEDTalk entitled ’30 is not the new 20’. I watched it despite feeling waves of panic wash over me upon reading its title. And guess what? It made me panic. I thought for a second I might cry, and I had to go for a walk, exhale loudly, and buy a giant chocolate chip cookie and a cup of tea.

Allow me to share some choice texts from this afternoon. They are all text messages because none of my friends live in the same time zone as me. That’s a topic for another self-pitying rant at a later date.

     Me: Have you guys ever watched the 30 is not the new 20 TedTalk?

     Me: It has confirmed everything that I have been stressing about. Cue heightened level of panic.

     K: yes I’ve seen it Alex

     Me: I AM THE WOMEN SHE TALKS ABOUT

Then there's this fab little exchange:

Oh man it was a bad time. But it's actually a really good TEDTalk... I'm going to listen to it again, and maybe again, until it stops freaking me out. (And maybe until Meg Jay's lessons take hold and put me in gear). 

I'm not the only twenty something in crisis, right? Right?!

This morning I decided I would give my Levi's a break and wear a dress! Because it is March (read: springtime), because I am a lady, and because unemployed people can look nice too!

So I've got my fab Theory dress I bought at one of Halifax's newest consignment shops back in December when I pretended I had money to spend, I've got my burgundy tights that are awesome and a total steal from Joe Fresh, and I've got my now rather beat up boots that can pass for Fryes if one squints/uses one's imagination. I look cute damnit! Only March in Halifax does not mean it's springtime, it means it's grey and damp. Also, I'm now slightly left with the feeling that I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go. BUT I'm wearing a dress, like a lady, and I look good. If potential employers knew how well dressed I was right now, they'd undoubtedly LEAP at the opportunity to hire me. 

....It occurs to me as I write this that there are plenty  of people (mostly ladies) who wear dresses all the time. It's part of their daily sartorial repertoire. A dress and tights on a Tuesday afternoon is not a big deal for these people. I should strive to be more like them. I should and I shall! But maybe I'll wait until spring comes?  

DEJA VU / PERSEVERANCE

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2012

Ever feel like you`ve got a long way to go

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Getting my "fantastic new life" up and running is going as smoothly as one might imagine such a venture would... Frustrations and self-doubt abound and I find myself ending my days feeling decidedly unsatisfied with my accomplishments. It will get easier though, right? All of the [baby] steps I'm making on a daily basis will eventually turn into something to stand up and be proud of...right?!

I am re-posting this entry from (almost but not quite exactly) one year ago, because I feel exactly the same right now, today, in this very moment. Well this go around, I'd say I'm generally more optimistic, and productive..ish. For instance, I'm searching through old blog posts in search of a piece of writing I can beef up to include in an application for school. I am not quite sure going back to school is necessarily the best plan for me right now, but it is a plan, and by applying I am giving myself as many options as possible. Tomorrow I'm having my second informational interview with a charismatic young woman who works for a company I could absolutely see myself being a part of.. somehow. It may seem as though I'm in exactly the same place I was last year, things are different - I swear! I'll get there... I'll be theoretically pirouetting with the prima ballerinas in no time, albeit with a tad less grace, but I'll get there.

SO here's to baby steps, and to keepin' on keepin' on.

Starting over

Since the beginning of this year I have been on a quest to figure out who I want to be. Specifically, I have been trying to pinpoint the thing I want to do - the job I want to have. It is extraordinarily difficult. I'm filled with anxiety whenever anyone asks me "what do you do?" or "what are you up to these days?", I often feel like I am making extremely poor use of my time, and I can't help but think that I am not equipped with the skills necessary to decipher who I want to be and where that girl might want to start her career.

I make steps, but they are small. I research companies, read articles, look up school opportunities, and meet with people. I feel very much like I'm behind, that I missed some crucial step or link along the way and that is the reason why I don' t have stable careers or homes or cars like so many other people my age do. But F. Scott Fitzgerald is right: it is never too late to be whoever you want to be. It definitely takes strength to start again, and it is tiring, but in my case what is so wonderful is that I am surrounded by support and I do feel like I'm getting there.

Oh Blogger, I've neglected you. Let you down.

Truth be told, I'm trying to decide whether not to give up on ol' Alex in Wonderland and start afresh, or stick it out here and just get back into the blogging groove..

We'll see what happens.

Gut reaction when I'm asked to talk about my feelings:

http://seelikewant.tumblr.com/

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to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart

I've taken to watching/listening to Ted Talks before I go to sleep. I like the idea of possibly learning something while lying in bed, and on the whole, Ted Talks are a helluva lot more interesting than anything on tv. Last night I watched this talk, and I really enjoyed it a) because the speaker is excellent and quite funny and b) because I am the opposite of the people she is talking about.

I also find a lot of sense in her findings and think it's important that we think about the power of vulnerability in this age of muscle and strength and 'keep calm and carry on'. It is a great message and I hope you enjoy it!

Want a smile on a Tuesday morning? Read this article by the hilarious Max Greenfield, who is the only reason I watch The New Girl on tv. I seem to be developing the habit of spending a wee bit too much time searching the internets in the morning, which I should probably curb, but probably won't. Also, I kind of forgot about goop.com; keep on keepin' on Gwenyth... I wish you were my friend.

Good bye Summer, Hello Fall!

...and fabulous fall outfits!

Coveting this look from Club Monaco. Actually, coveting everything from Club Monaco.

I want a new handbag.

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My Roots purse is awesome and I love it but it's so small! Plus, I want a new handbag.

Then she started to thinking...

Today I popped by my old workplace, said hello, and got my old job back.

Yay employment! Sometimes I get whiny and down on myself and complain about things like returning to the job that I left almost three years ago (almost three years ago?! can that even be true?!) but then I started to thinking that I'm actually pretty fortunate to be able to show up in town after being away for months, walk into a building and leave with a full-time job no questions asked. Pretty sweet deal. I even like the other people I work with, and I'm good at what I do so that's always a good feeling.

There's something about being at home (read: physically in the home of my childhood, with my mother) that makes me negative. This might sound like I'm trying to be cheeky or sarcastic, but today I was thinking - as I sat in a field in the sun with my dog, because is there a better way to spend 45 minutes of your afternoon - that it's not home that makes me negative, it's just me. I'm a negative person. I'm a negative person and I need to get over it.

What's the point of being cynical all the time? Nobody likes the sardonic cynical asshole. Nobody wants to get stuck sitting next to that person at a dinner party. I am that person sometimes. Maybe I'm stretching or being too hard on myself, or maybe sometimes I'm the asshole that people softly sigh and smile politely at while thinking to themselves "for God's sake can't she just get over it!". I need to stop being that person. I need to stop thinking that things happen TO ME because that is blatantly and inherently untrue. I am living the life I chose because it is precisely the choices I have made up to this point that have gotten me to where I am. I'm so sick of being the person who can't make a choice, but of course not making a choice is a choice in itself.

This Eureka Moment was not entirely brought on by a quiet moment with Man's Best Friend, it was also brought on by some of my best friends. I visited my best friend in Brighton, and one of the best things about being best friends with someone for over a decade is that even when you visit after not seeing each other for over a year you can instantly delve into the things one can only discuss with a close girlfriend. We had heart-to-hearts and pep-talks, and I left feeling invigorated, with an "I can do it" attitude. The 'it' being anything I want to.

Then upon my return home I was delighted to have a visit of one of my best friends. This friend of mine is one of the most genuinely positive and warm hearted people that I know. I think every person should have a friend like him. Not only is he positive, but he puts up with me being negative, and let's me slowly come to the realization on my own that negativity is not necessarily the best way to be.

Then there's my best friend who is one of the most organized (in a good way), driven people I know. He's gone back to school, he's getting amazing internships and workplaces, he has a plan. He is able to look toward his future with something other than sheer terror and that is inspiring.


SO while I seem to have started with a mere breakdown of my days' activity, and veered into the pitfalls of a negative attitude, I have ended what has become a rant on friendship. IT'S SO IMPORTANT. I hope everyone has friends as amazing as I do.

Fun Surprises

Today my niece (and favourite person) is coming over.

She doesn't know that I'm home yet.

It's going to be the bestest of surprises.

Well I'm home. It feels bizarre, almost as if my amazing Italian summer didn't actually happen.

Now that I'm back I'm figuring out what I want to accomplish while I'm here, and while there are many things swirling around, one of the banalities I'm actually rather excited about is reading actual books. I say this because all summer long I've toted my e-reader around with me - which was really great, super convenient and filled with lots of good (and not-so-good *cough* 50 Shades of Grey *cough*) reads - but I do so love reading from an actual book that I may have to shelve the fancy touchscreen technology in favour of tangible, page turning, tattered corners, books.

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Checking in

So I haven't blogged in months, I know, I know.

In my defence blogging on a tablet is rather difficult, and trying to locate and keep a decent wireless signal in Italy is just plain impossible.

I have many stories to share, and could sit here typing for hours, but instead I'm just going to say how much I love being on this side of the Atlantic. Italy is such a vibrant and challenging country, and England, where I'm vacationing this week is so bizarrely charming that I would so greatly prefer to live here than back in Canada.

So instead of writing an actual blog entry filled with anecdotes and information I'm just going to check in to say that while I'm in Brighton enjoying internet and an actual computer I think I'm going to try and discern some sort of way to prolong my stay here, or at least work towards returning as soon as possible.

How is your summer?

This time next week I'll be at the airport en route to Italy for the summer. I'm very excited - and very nervous - about it but ultimately I'm looking forward to the adventure! I'm going to be working a lot (at least I'm planning on working a lot - let's hope that pans out) however I will have a couple weeks of time off when I'll get to do some TRAVELLING!!!

I'm excited to see my bestie's house in Brighton, and maybe, maybe we're going to go to Paris, which I've never been to and am dying to see. I imagine dressing fabulously and eating baquette and exploring the city by foot or by bike and exuding elegance and awesomeness, like this lady.

photo from Jak&Jil

Is it possible to get the dressing on the side?

This video is great because I have indeed experienced every single one of these 'ordering types' both as a server and as a customer. (...and okay fine, maybe I'm guilty of pulling a couple of these ordering faux-pas')