Where's my grown-up guidance counselor?!

I've just read an interesting article npr posted about Georgetown University's recent study on unemployment and college majors.

This article sheds light on a problem facing both American and Canadian graduates and young professionals. While it is true that there is no one path or guaranteed method to obtaining the dream job (right?!) there is definitely information that one can learn, and should probably learn sooner than later. I don’t recall receiving guidance of any relevance when I was in high school, and I don’t even know if there was someone at my university I could have talked to who could have helped me prepare for entering the job market, or work to improve my job prospects. 

Now, five years after receiving my undergraduate degree – albeit in the non-specific field of Liberal Arts – I have worked a myriad of jobs, have no real savings, no clue what I want to do, and doubts about returning to school to improve my prospects. I need a guidance counselor now as much as I ever needed one in High School. True, there are “career counselors” however they cost a fortune that I can’t afford – and my therapist (whom really, I also can’t afford) won’t give me advice because of course I am to have realizations/revelations of my own – which is so annoying.  

Honestly, right now, all I want is for someone to tell me what to do. I’m tired of feeling blindly around, hoping I’ll somehow stumble upon the secret stepping stone to my brilliant career. 

I loved school, I would love to go back – have a structure and purpose to every day – but I can’t help but wonder if a graduate degree is worth it. Seems to me I’m more likely to end up with debt and a piece of paper on my wall than with greater job options and higher earning power. These are the conundrums I wish more people were talking about. Okay fine, there has been a fair bit of coverage on the topic of the millennial generation’s employment struggles but statistics and studies is not enough! Stop telling me about my bleak prospects (because believe me, I am well aware) and start telling me how to challenge them! Where’s my grown-up guidance counselor?!

Then she started to thinking...

Today I popped by my old workplace, said hello, and got my old job back.

Yay employment! Sometimes I get whiny and down on myself and complain about things like returning to the job that I left almost three years ago (almost three years ago?! can that even be true?!) but then I started to thinking that I'm actually pretty fortunate to be able to show up in town after being away for months, walk into a building and leave with a full-time job no questions asked. Pretty sweet deal. I even like the other people I work with, and I'm good at what I do so that's always a good feeling.

There's something about being at home (read: physically in the home of my childhood, with my mother) that makes me negative. This might sound like I'm trying to be cheeky or sarcastic, but today I was thinking - as I sat in a field in the sun with my dog, because is there a better way to spend 45 minutes of your afternoon - that it's not home that makes me negative, it's just me. I'm a negative person. I'm a negative person and I need to get over it.

What's the point of being cynical all the time? Nobody likes the sardonic cynical asshole. Nobody wants to get stuck sitting next to that person at a dinner party. I am that person sometimes. Maybe I'm stretching or being too hard on myself, or maybe sometimes I'm the asshole that people softly sigh and smile politely at while thinking to themselves "for God's sake can't she just get over it!". I need to stop being that person. I need to stop thinking that things happen TO ME because that is blatantly and inherently untrue. I am living the life I chose because it is precisely the choices I have made up to this point that have gotten me to where I am. I'm so sick of being the person who can't make a choice, but of course not making a choice is a choice in itself.

This Eureka Moment was not entirely brought on by a quiet moment with Man's Best Friend, it was also brought on by some of my best friends. I visited my best friend in Brighton, and one of the best things about being best friends with someone for over a decade is that even when you visit after not seeing each other for over a year you can instantly delve into the things one can only discuss with a close girlfriend. We had heart-to-hearts and pep-talks, and I left feeling invigorated, with an "I can do it" attitude. The 'it' being anything I want to.

Then upon my return home I was delighted to have a visit of one of my best friends. This friend of mine is one of the most genuinely positive and warm hearted people that I know. I think every person should have a friend like him. Not only is he positive, but he puts up with me being negative, and let's me slowly come to the realization on my own that negativity is not necessarily the best way to be.

Then there's my best friend who is one of the most organized (in a good way), driven people I know. He's gone back to school, he's getting amazing internships and workplaces, he has a plan. He is able to look toward his future with something other than sheer terror and that is inspiring.


SO while I seem to have started with a mere breakdown of my days' activity, and veered into the pitfalls of a negative attitude, I have ended what has become a rant on friendship. IT'S SO IMPORTANT. I hope everyone has friends as amazing as I do.

Talk to me

Is there power in words? , a picture is worth a thousand of them.

What about talk? Small talk, all talk, talk is cheap, talk the talk, talk yourself up, talk at, talk with, talk to. We have all of these expressions and sayings but I wonder if any of them really ring true, or if we mistakenly put too much stalk in talk.

What about action?

I don’t know if I’ve expounded before on my theory of ‘talkers vs. doers’ but I am going to bring it up now. It seems to me as though there are people who are talk about their plans, wishes, dreams and people who just go for their wishes and act out their dreams. As a member of the former category, I must say that I envy the doers; for the people who get up off the couch and away from the phone or coffee shop table are the people who live busy, fulfilling, whole lives - it seems to me. I can talk about an idea as much as I want, but until I do something to turn my words into something concrete can I honestly say that I have accomplished anything?

“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans” said a Beatle who arguably lived a lot of life. But if all one does is worry about making plans, can we call that a life?

As someone who strings words together incessantly on this here page, it may seem counterintuitive to question their value but I’m just saying wouldn’t it be nicer to go to Paris instead of talk about going to Paris, or have your dream job instead of talking about what your dream job might be, or to be with a guy instead of talk about one?

How do you ‘doers’ do it?!

Can it be that we (I) need to abandon my beloved words in favour of actions?

Woah.

You know what I just realized?

I've been keeping this blog for a year now! Nay, over a year!

My word, where has the time gone?! How? HOW has a year passed?!

I wonder if I've managed to keep anyone entertained this whole time? This blog started as a creative outlet, and while lately I'll admit has become less about sharing my own thoughts and creative urges and a bit more about sharing those of others I hope to get back to posts of a more introspective and effusive nature.

A YEAR. Ack! I can't believe it. (In case you couldn't tell). I was shocked at how fast the summer was passing (middle of July anyone??) but oh man! What IS it that makes time pass so quickly these days? Perhaps it is a symptom of being "grown up". I am 25 now after all; that's halfway to middle age - I've already started using the phrase 'I remember when I was a kid...'

I was about to say that it feels as though nothing of consequence has happened in the past 13 months but upon reflection I realize I have moved, I have switched jobs, I have visited 3 different countries, I've grown closer with friends, I've grown apart from friends, I've made new friends, I've made money, I've spent money, I've been brave, I've been wrong, I am in certain ways an entirely different person than she who began this blog (although, let's not get too crazy here, I am in a lot of ways entirely the same).

How have you changed in the past 13 months? What does a year mean to you?

Today I am a quarter-century old. I am going to work (which might be a bit lame) and then I am coming home to a party with all of my beautiful friends! What fun! I've been trying to downplay my bday but now that it's here I'm not gonna lie, I'm kinda excited!

When did maintaining a relationship become so much work? Remember when it was simply and completely understood that you'd meet your favourite people in the same spot on the playground everyday, and a couple of friends could be completely content walking to the park and back? Friendship was easy. Seemingly unbreakable bonds were formed instantly. A giggle solved an argument.

Once you're a grown up "life" gets in the way. There's no recess or afterschool, only schedules and to do lists. Instead of living in the same neighbourhood, kilometres separate friends. Emails are impersonal, telephone conversations are sporatic and internet chats seem somehow dishonest or inorganic.

Thoughts are more complex, options more varied, arguments are unresolved instead of forgotten. Childhood friendships are innocent and unselfish. Adults seem preoccupied with how "I" feel - asking 'How come you make ME feel this way?' instead of 'Why do YOU feel this way?"

What I find frusterating is that friendships can still be easy. All it takes is a "Hello, how are you doing?", some thoughtful texts, an effusive letter or two and a willingness to be open despite long distances. I admit I am not the best at keeping in touch, but I know that I am better than some. I just find it so bizzare that these days people seem so much more willing to pour themselves into their job or career than into their relationships. So maybe today, or tomorrow, take some time to connect with someone - write a quick note, call to say a quick hello - something small is all it takes.

Sales Tactics

One of the most peculiar things about aparment or job hunting is the neccesity to sell oneself.

At least I find it peculiar...and well, difficult.

I wish I had the blind confidence to walk up to a potential boss/landlord/boyfriend and say (in so many words) "I am the person you want. I am the person you need. No one else will be able to fill this space better than I can." Confidence is confidence inspiring however it seems to me that when it comes to self confidence that statement loses its potency.

I am capable. This I know, and to a certain extent I am able to demonstrate as such but for some reason the knowledge that other people believe in my capability, believe in me, makes me uncomfortable. I've never really been one to take compliments well, and that I am certain relates to self confidence, or rather a lack thereof.

Maybe I'm too humble for my own good... that sounds pompous. I think that's why I am so uncomfortable with the idea of selling myself, I find the notion of expounding one's virtues, strengths and abilities to be inherently self-indulgent and ostentatious - qualities that I do not like in others. In a job market such as today's, or when meeting with a landlord, or perhaps even on a date (although in that area I assure you I hold no expertise) a bit of turgid behaviour is necessary. I mean, if I don't speak up and explain all of my assets than who will? Certainly not my competition.

I think this is my first major lesson upon moving to 'the big smoke'... okay second, the first was always wear comfortable, non-blister inducing shoes when walking around exploring your new city.

Grown Up Thoughts on a Gray Afternoon

I have been neglecting you, dear blog, and for that I am sorry. My "big city move" is overwhelming it would seem, or at any rate it occupies time that would have been spent blogging back home in Halifax.

Last night I stayed over at my friend's brand new house just outside Toronto. That's right I said HOUSE. She and her boyfriend are homeowners. Whenever a friend of mine buys a condo, or house, or gets engaged (as my friend JMac just did) I am shocked by how 'grown up' we are all turning out to be. Or rather how grown up we actually are. It boggles my mind. I do not feel nearly old enough to be buying houses, planning lives, getting married, etc. and whenever I am confronted with the fact that I am it plain freaks me out.

That being said, I am excited to be embarking on my new adventure, especially to have my own apartment to plan (and there is a post in the works to share all of my apartment plans). I concede that being 'grown up' has plenty of perks, having one's own space among them; and while I believe I will cling on to my 'inner child' with fervour for as long as I can for now - or at least in this moment - being a grown up feels pretty darn good.