Time to start packing...

Kiiiiind of wish this was my bedroom...

via Gypsies Gold

Can't believe it's been a DECADE

Photo from here

Excellent comic here 

via prettybooks

Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still.

                                        
                                                    Chinese Proverb

It's not even fall and already the temperature of my apartment is such that I'm wearing sweatpants, fur-lined slippers and an over-sized hoodie. This does not bode well - neither for my fashion sensibility nor my internal body temperature.

Asylums are works of art.

NPR turned me onto the work of Christopher Payne and the stunning photos he took of abandoned 19th century asylums for this book.

Blog as Journal: DUALISM

Today I looked the word 'dualism' up in the dictionary. It's definition is largely theoretical, as in:

the doctrine that there are two independent divine beings or eternal principles, one good and the other evil.

 but basically it means to be split in two. It is

the state of being dual or consisting of two parts 

Now before you blow this post off as a [boring] vocabulary lesson may I explain that this is exactly how I've been feeling lately. Not the 'eternal existence of good and evil stuff', the 'division into two equal parts' stuff.

I am at conflict with myself and it is exhausting.

I've been in Toronto for about 20 months now, and lately I've been feeling like the city has let me down - or rather that I haven't stepped up to embrace the city and in doing so have let myself down. I moved here with visions of change and self-improvement and now realize that the only lesson I've learned since I got here is that changing one's location does not change one's situation. I feel like I am the exact same person I was when I came to Toronto - except with a considerably smaller bank account. The city has yet to swallow me whole but I fear that it has frightened me into stagnant submission. These feelings coupled with an extraordinarily difficult six months for several members of my family back in Halifax has lead to a true, desperate feeling of homesickness like I have never felt before in my life.

And so I struggle.

The part of me that knows that changing my address is a foolish way to change my life wrestles with the part that yearns for the simplicity of home.

The part of me that wants to focus on myself and my future argues with the part that wants to be there for the people I care about who may need help now.

Stay - Go

Fight - Retreat

Struggle - Surrender

Me - Them

Forwards - Backwards

Toronto - Halifax

All of these opposing words, and notions, and ideals, and expectations vacillate inside my head, heart and gut until I am confused, anxious, and lying awake at one o'clock in the morning on a Sunday night.

I don't write this to complain or cause alarm, or really to expect an answer. I just know that I can't be the only person split in two (theoretically, theologically, or hell, even psychologically) and maybe if I send these words out into the Clouds - for according to Google, that's where all of our information goes these days - the dual parts of me will be calmed for the evening so that I can get some rest.

dictionary source

Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go;

 it is the fragile blossom that blooms in the snow.

                                                        

                                                               ~Alice M. Swaim

I WANT THIS.

It costs almost a month's rent.

...Typical.

Kind of love everything about this. Wonder if I'll ever tire of Glee being EVERYWHERE

Is it wrong...

...that I'm kind of getting excited for fall?

photo source

The temperature has dropped a solid 15 degrees in the past two days here in Toronto. It's kind of nice - I can wear layers and my cute jean jacket, and walk around with out sweating, and most importantly my apartment is cool. (!!!) Like I'm wearing slippers and last night I went to bed without two fans going! Woah. I'm sure that the temperature will pop back up but these cool days are quite the reminder that fall is just around the corner...

source

I'm obsessed with Anderson Cooper's giggle.

It's amazing - cuter than a babies. Maybe I've watched this video 1 (3?) too many times...

Wishing I knew these people:

I've been attempting to clean my house all morning. Kitchen and laundry are done, bathroom looms. Because I'm supposed to be cleaning I've (naturally) gotten distracted by my computer. First I spent too much time trying to figure out what the heck Google+ is all about, and now I'm organizing my Google Reader. (Now is when I would like to take the time to point out a prime example outlining my superb abilities as a procrastinator).

Aaaaanyway my point is, I was going through some blogs I haven't checked in a while including Daily Dose of Imagery which is a Toronto-based photography blog. I'm pretty sure the guy lives in my area because a lot of the photos seem to be in and around my 'hood....like this one that was taken OUTSIDE MY HOUSE.

Seriously! My neighbours were doing a little spring cleaning (or something) and one morning I walked out the door and passed this most-bizzare piece of art on my way to work. Weird when all of the sudden the internet becomes intimate...

What I made for dessert tonight.

STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE!

Which is only my favourite dessert, and arguably the yummiest one. I have it every year on my birthday, which wasn't today but I didn't have any on my birthday so today I whipped up a batch of bisquits - from scratch..in 35 degree heat - cut up some local berries, made some REAL whipped cream, and then grinned from ear to ear the entire time I ate this bowlful of heaven. Ohmigosh it was just the greatest.