Here I Go...
I'm new at this thing, so you'll have to bear with me as I
figure it out. All I know is a place to anonymously write down my thoughts
sounds like just the thing I need.
Today was not the greatest way to start off my week. The concert that I wanted to go see started twenty minutes ago and I'm sitting here dressed up in my room by myself. I have this rather irrational fear of doing anything by myself; the movies, a concert, it even takes a long personal pep talk to get to the gym sans running buddy. As a certified "grown up" this is something that I know I need to get over, because sitting at home missing something you wish you weren't and feeling sorry for yourself because of it is not the best way to spend an evening. Although in tonight's case I must admit that the fact that I didn't get my ass in gear early enough, and the
sub-zero temperatures outside also factored in.
I'm also missing home terribly.My apartment is a mess to say the least; no matter how many dishes we wash, there always seems to be a huge pile on the counter, our bathroom is seriously in need of a plumber, and even though I've spent the bulk of today cleaning my room there still seems to be stuff everywhere. This town, this place does something to me. Lately I've been feeling like this is not where I'm supposed to be, like my life is on hold, and if I'd chosen a different path - a different school - I'd be out there leading my real life, somehow making a difference and
most importantly being happy while doing it... This issue is the most confusing,
if not the most prominent one in my life right now, so I'm sure I'll bring it up
several times in the future
I'm at risk of rambling in my first ever blog entry,
so I guess this will be it for now. I fancy myself as a rather un-interesting
person, however I will try to write eloquently and include things that have some
semblance of meaning, and maybe - if I'm lucky - I'll be able to reach inside of
myself and pull out something profound.
What I think the most hilarious (slash most extremely terrifying) is that I sound the same today. My writing style is the same - although why would it change, I suppose - I still lack confidence, and I'm still conflicted by the same issues. (Was I not just talking about how I should not have come to Toronto and instead should be travelling the world?!?) Although I am happy to say that my room and apartment are clean, and the dishes get washed...and I am getting much better at flying solo. Does this mean I'm growing up afterall?