That is what the name of it is.
And when you've got it,
you want - oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want,
but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!
Here I Go...
I'm new at this thing, so you'll have to bear with me as I
figure it out. All I know is a place to anonymously write down my thoughts
sounds like just the thing I need.
Today was not the greatest way to start off my week. The concert that I wanted to go see started twenty minutes ago and I'm sitting here dressed up in my room by myself. I have this rather irrational fear of doing anything by myself; the movies, a concert, it even takes a long personal pep talk to get to the gym sans running buddy. As a certified "grown up" this is something that I know I need to get over, because sitting at home missing something you wish you weren't and feeling sorry for yourself because of it is not the best way to spend an evening. Although in tonight's case I must admit that the fact that I didn't get my ass in gear early enough, and the
sub-zero temperatures outside also factored in.
I'm also missing home terribly.My apartment is a mess to say the least; no matter how many dishes we wash, there always seems to be a huge pile on the counter, our bathroom is seriously in need of a plumber, and even though I've spent the bulk of today cleaning my room there still seems to be stuff everywhere. This town, this place does something to me. Lately I've been feeling like this is not where I'm supposed to be, like my life is on hold, and if I'd chosen a different path - a different school - I'd be out there leading my real life, somehow making a difference and
most importantly being happy while doing it... This issue is the most confusing,
if not the most prominent one in my life right now, so I'm sure I'll bring it up
several times in the future
I'm at risk of rambling in my first ever blog entry,
so I guess this will be it for now. I fancy myself as a rather un-interesting
person, however I will try to write eloquently and include things that have some
semblance of meaning, and maybe - if I'm lucky - I'll be able to reach inside of
myself and pull out something profound.
Anybody have any other incentives for getting my arse in gear upon waking? How about any tips on how best to do so? I hope you all are part way through your day like normal, productive members of society are..
Photographers. We’re strange, right? We can’t stop. We run when others
walk. We work when others relax. We have no sense of weekends, holidays, time
off, time on, or time in general, except as it relates to sunrise or set... We
shake our heads, punch buttons on expensive cameras, eyeball perfect strangers,
ask odd questions, and wait for light. What an odd thing to wait for. We also
have restive, restless, roaming eyes. Eyes that don’t shut down. Eyes that often
feel hemmed in or framed by a 35mm lens border, eyes that correspond to a 24-70,
or a 200-400, depending on what they encounter. Eyes that curse the dumb
conglomeration of plastic, brass and glass we place in front of them, asking
that mix of pixels and wiring to be surrogate vision, supple as the real thing.
Hah! We might as well ask a fucking toaster oven.