Alex in Wonderland: November 2011

One of the unique opportunities one has when living at home, is digging through old belongings. For me this includes a few miscellaneous boxes unearthed from the hoarders paradise that is my mother's basement.

One of the most amusing things I've come across is the portfolio from my Grade 9 Humanities class. Poems, projects and book reports all collected, each with its own explanation as to how it earned a spot in my portfolio. The real prize out of this collection is a paper entitled A Bunch of Thoughts that Could Pass for a Philosophy of Life. Yes, that is the title I deemed appropriate for an essay - and while we're at it I shall point out that I also deemed multi-coloured gel pens as perfectly apt for a professional looking Table of Contents. For family entertainment I performed a dramatic reading of this amazing piece of writing at the Thanksgiving table. Since it was so popular then, and since I have been urged by friends to post this hilarious and shockingly candid philosophy on this blog I now present to you a somewhat embarrassing yet ultimately amusing insight into the psyche of a 14 year-old Alex:

A Bunch of Thoughts that Could Pass for a Philosophy of Life

Alex

903

Humanities

March 2000

Where to start. I guess my main philosophy would be: try to live life as best as you can. I laugh a lot and try to have fun no matter what I am doing. I try not to let my temper get the best of me, although sometimes I give into my temper (it is probably best that you run away, far, far away, when this happens). And I try very hard not to hold grudges or hurt people's feelings.

My thinking time, when I reflect on the day and think of tomorrow and my future is before I go to sleep. I sit in the dark under my covers and I think about whatever comes to mind. Of course I usually forget the riveting debates that go on in my mind by the time I wake up the next day.

OK, issue number one: GOD. I believe in God, as some power that affects everything we do. I believe that God has a plan for each person and that everything happens for a reason.

DEATH. I think (this ties in with issue number one) that when you die, it is God's way of protecting us from some sort of horrible fate or happening that would happen to us if we stayed alive.I think that when you die, you go to a place where you come to terms with everything that has happened to you and you forgive yourself and others for sins they (or you) may have committed.

I think that you stay in this place until you have resolved everything, and if you can't come to terms with something you stay in this place forever. Once you have reached this "ultimate peace" you go to Heaven, and eventually go back to Earth as a different creature.

I, personally, want to return as a bird because I have always wanted to fly. If I had one wish, it would probably be the gift of flight. To be able to spread your wings and soar all day, high above the Earth, in the clouds, and bathing in the sun. There is a song (actually it is from a soap opera) that says, "I would fly on the wings of a bird if I knew it would take me higher." That's what I feel about that. I seem to have gotten a little off topic (oops). So anyway, when I sit in my room I sometimes wonder what if would feel like to die, or be dead.

The issue that is probable the most confusing to me is LOVE. OK, my original plan was to talk about how I don't think it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Now that I think about it, I don't know whether I actually feel that way. I think that love is a magical thing that happens that is indescribable even for the greatest poet and that if you have found that feeling then you have accomplished something that unfortunately not all people can. But to lose the one you love, to lose that feeling, must create a world that is empty beyond imagination. But if you lose the one you love, you can still continue to have that feeling but not have anyone to share it with. I find it all very confusing.

I think it is very important to have some sort of family. Of course, some of the time I wish I had no family at all - that they would just disappear and I could live by myself (and possibly with friends) in my house. But after this feeling of hatred towards my beloved family passes, I realize that I couldn't live without them.

A rather crazy and mixed up issue: me. Whenever I tell people my inner personality, they are surprised because they don't see me as that type of person. For example, I AM SHY. When I tell my friends this, they make a funny face or a weird noise or something and say, "but you're not!" I am though. It's kind of hard to describe but I'll give it a try. It takes a lot of effort to get to know me. I don't open up to people until I am comfortable with them. All my friends had to kind of force (not force, more like, try really hard) their friendship on me. I don't like calling people that I don't know. Other people may not either, but I make a big fuss about it. Whether it's a coach for a basketball team or a new babysitting client or whatever, I usually try to con someone else (mom) into calling them for me because her personality is the exact (well, maybe not exact, but pretty close to it) opposite of mine. My mom is the kind of person who will go back up to the counter at McDonalds and demand a new burger because she asked for mustard not mayo while I sit in my seat thinking, "It can't be that hard, mustard is the yellow one!" Then I'll try to discreetly scrape the mayo off. (Which, when eating McDonalds food, can be quite a tedious job!)

OK, anger and rage. I have a tendency to keep everything inside, from the small, little, annoying things to the really big, super-duper, frustrating things, and sometimes I forget to and I kind of blow up at whoever is closest and blame everything on them. (I have done this to my mother and have gotten in quite a lot of trouble, but let's not get into that.)

I don't know what else to say about myself (that's of any interest). Some people say that I am funny (or as my wonderful friend Jamila would put it, a comical being.) Hey! There's a topic!

I have a rather shall we say interesting group of friends. I wouldn't trade my friends for the world (maybe money, but not the world! Ha!). My friends are the people I turn to for advice or relief, often before my family. (Maybe that's because most of the time it's about my family). My friends have a big impact on my life. What sort of impact I don't know, but an impact.

There is a place just down the hill from my house that is my "place." I haven't been there in a while, but sometimes, when I get really angry or fed up I just walk out of the house and go down to Horseshoe Island and sit on the hill (or wharf in the summer) and think. Sometimes I don't think, which is good because often I think way too much.

My mom has this saying (I suppose it could be a philosophy) and she says, "I always try to be nice to people because it may be the last time I see them." I think this is very good and very true because we (humans) have created so much bad stuff that if you talk to someone it may very well be the last time you talk to them whether they get hit by a car, or kidnapped or whatever.

Oh! Personality thing! i tend to have these, um, urges, where I want to do something, or have something, and then I will do my very best to get that as fast as I possibly can, and if I don't, I feel very proud of myself, and if I don't, then I get disappointed.

I also don't think very much of myself. I don't know why not, nor do I know how to describe it really, I just kind of know I don't.

I DO NOT like change. I would much rather things stay the same because that would be so much easier and less stressful. For example, high school. I am pathetically scared of going to high school. It's so much bigger and different and I think, most importantly, it means that I have to think about the future. I have absolutely no idea what I want to be when I grow up. Well, not absolutely no idea, I have a whole bunch of ideas. In fact, I just can't seem to decide. I remember when I was little I wanted to be an astronaut and a ballerina, and I may very well end up being what I wanted to be when I was three years old.