DEJA VU / PERSEVERANCE

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2012

Ever feel like you`ve got a long way to go

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Getting my "fantastic new life" up and running is going as smoothly as one might imagine such a venture would... Frustrations and self-doubt abound and I find myself ending my days feeling decidedly unsatisfied with my accomplishments. It will get easier though, right? All of the [baby] steps I'm making on a daily basis will eventually turn into something to stand up and be proud of...right?!

I am re-posting this entry from (almost but not quite exactly) one year ago, because I feel exactly the same right now, today, in this very moment. Well this go around, I'd say I'm generally more optimistic, and productive..ish. For instance, I'm searching through old blog posts in search of a piece of writing I can beef up to include in an application for school. I am not quite sure going back to school is necessarily the best plan for me right now, but it is a plan, and by applying I am giving myself as many options as possible. Tomorrow I'm having my second informational interview with a charismatic young woman who works for a company I could absolutely see myself being a part of.. somehow. It may seem as though I'm in exactly the same place I was last year, things are different - I swear! I'll get there... I'll be theoretically pirouetting with the prima ballerinas in no time, albeit with a tad less grace, but I'll get there.

SO here's to baby steps, and to keepin' on keepin' on.

Starting over

Since the beginning of this year I have been on a quest to figure out who I want to be. Specifically, I have been trying to pinpoint the thing I want to do - the job I want to have. It is extraordinarily difficult. I'm filled with anxiety whenever anyone asks me "what do you do?" or "what are you up to these days?", I often feel like I am making extremely poor use of my time, and I can't help but think that I am not equipped with the skills necessary to decipher who I want to be and where that girl might want to start her career.

I make steps, but they are small. I research companies, read articles, look up school opportunities, and meet with people. I feel very much like I'm behind, that I missed some crucial step or link along the way and that is the reason why I don' t have stable careers or homes or cars like so many other people my age do. But F. Scott Fitzgerald is right: it is never too late to be whoever you want to be. It definitely takes strength to start again, and it is tiring, but in my case what is so wonderful is that I am surrounded by support and I do feel like I'm getting there.

Oh Blogger, I've neglected you. Let you down.

Truth be told, I'm trying to decide whether not to give up on ol' Alex in Wonderland and start afresh, or stick it out here and just get back into the blogging groove..

We'll see what happens.