I just learned a new word!

Confabulation (noun): A plausible but imagined memory that fills in gaps in what is remembered.


I feel like this is a good word to know because I feel like I invent/employ confabulations on a rather consistent basis... Thanks to flying buttresses for expanding my vocabulary! (Who says browsing the internet is a waste of time!?)

Gotta love the library...

Yesterday I went to the library to meet a friend of mine. He was running late (or as it turns out, at a different branch than me) so to pass the time I browsed around. I found a giant volume entitled "From Tennessee Williams' Notebooks" [ed. Margaret Bradam Thorton]. I found a corner with a chair, sat down and began to peruse. I didn't get too far - the fact that my friend and I were at two different libraries became apparent and quickly ended my stay - but I did stumble upon this entry and thought I'd share some:

Saturday, 14 January 1939

P.S. When I read through this book I'm appalled at myself - what a fool I am! - Quelle sottises! - Comment je suis bête! Parbleu!!! - It is valuable as a record of one man's icredible idiocy! - who is reputed to be at least partially sane - or is he? - probably not! - Once in a while - rarely - I show a glimmer of intelligence - most of the time an abominable dullness - what is there in me that remains above and beyond all this - level-eyed, serious, tender, brave, immaculately clean? Yes, there is something in me like that - something that remains apart & keeps the record - "engraves the reckoning" - when that dies then I will be finally and completely dead. Or is that an illusion? Am I all animal, all willfull, blind, stupid beast? Is there another part that is not an accomplice in this mad pilgrimage of the flesh-?

Ah, well, you're getting rhetorical, old boy - good night.

I enjoyed this entry - or rather this post script - because it reminded me of several entries that can be found among my own journals. It's oddly comforting to know that even Tennessee Williams (arguably one of America's finest authors) wrote less than thrilling journal entries, was self-critical and self-deprecating, and rambled on in a slightly non-sensical/pseudo-theoretical manner much like I do in my journal, and well, on this blog.

I like the idea of reading other people's journals... maybe I'll make these journal tidbits a regualr thing..

(And as my own Post Script, I have no idea how to underline on this thing. All of the bold words were underlined in the text I found... I just couldn't figure out how to make that happen)

As I type this I am cheating on my dog.

Whenever I am home my dog Toby sleeps on my bed with me. It's cosy, and cute and maybe a little crazy-old-ladyish but I am okay with it.

I'm "house-sitting" (for lack of a better term) in Toronto right now, and the house in question is home to a 16 year old dog named Bear. Bear is asleep on the foot of my bed. I couldn't help it! He's so old yet somehow he still has these puppy dog eyes, and I couldn't resist.

Only problem is while Toby is a small, wire-haired terrier, Bear is a large, furry (smelly!) dog... that I am allergic to. I just sneezed 5 times IN A ROW.

Hellooooo regrettable decision..

I want that!

I think I am in love. I would look fabulous wearing this to the hot New Year's Eve party I haven't been invited to yet, just sayin'.

In Other News...

Glee is going on hiatus for the winter. It will not be back until April 13, 2010. This is sad news. Sad news indeed.

But not sad enough that I can't gloat about the fact that I have been predicting the use of this song since Quinn found out she was 'with child':

A rather whiny entry... feel free to skim past ;)

Remember way back when, when I bought myself a necklace and was excited about the prospect of new beginnings?

Well, now the reality of 'a new beginning' has settled in, and I find myself not-so excited anymore. Still happy to be here in a new city, embarking on a new life mind you, but the actual experience is regrettably a tad lack-luster.

The apartment hunt has been brutal. After the dreaded Pauline experience on Monday, and a low-day on Tuesday, Roomie and I decided to sit down and sort through our expectations what our next steps should be over a green tea and chai latte last night. Conclusion was that we would be fabulous roommates, but that finding an apartment in which to be fabulous roommates that suits both of our tastes/wants/budgets is near impossible. Now we are in an 'open relationship' if you will. That is, we are continuing to look for places together however we are allowed to see other single apartments on our own.

Then there is the job hunt, which I have been actively post-poning and which all together terrifies me. Okay perhaps "terrifies" is a strong word, but I do find the whole ordeal to be daunting in an overwhelming sort of way. In my defence, and to not seem like a total sissy I would like to say that part of the reason I have been reluctant to start the job search is because of Christmas. No one is going to give a new employee a week off for the holidays first month in.

Then there is the matter of actually getting home for Christmas which is something that I have perhaps delayed longer than is apt, as flights are now dwindling in availability and skyrocketing in cost. All is not lost on that front either however because WestJet has a seat sale today (helloooo 65% off!)

A little Sylvia on a Tuesday night.

This afternoon I was feeling a little low so (at the advice of a dear friend) I bought myself some poetry. I think Sylvia Plath's Ariel and I will be great friends throughout the coming winter months...




The Couriers

The word of a snail on the pate of a leaf?
It is not mine. Do not accept it.

Acetic acid in a sealed tin?
Do not accept it. It is not genuine.

A ring of gold with the sun in it?
Lies. Lies and a grief.

Frost on a leaf, the immaculate
Cauldron, talking and crackling

All to itself on the top of east
Of nine black Alps.

A disturbance in mirrors,
The sea shattering its grey one -

Love, love, my season.

While I'm not this angry or hateful, this song came to mind just now, and I think I will share it as a way to describe not the actual substance but the general mood of my day.. mostly I think it's oddly cute/funny, enjoy!

Suck it Pauline, Suck it!

Today a stranger named Pauline dashed all my hopes and dreams.

The latest stop on the Apartment Safari was a **perfect** apartment in Toronto's Annex district. It was wonderfully styled, partially (yet wonderfully) furnished, close to transit, and up for a long-term sublet. Saturday afternoon Roomie and I stopped by this oh-so-lovely apartment, met it's current inhabitant Pauline (with whom we developed quite a rapport I had thought), looked around and fell in love with this adorable place and the idyllic circumstances surrounding it.

We answered questions, sent emails, impressed as best we knew how that we were the girls she wanted to live in her space. We left elated; she liked us, we liked her, all we had to do was wait until Monday for it all to come together.

By 4 o'clock this afternoon our hopes began to wane. An hour later doubts began to fester about Pauline and her apartment. By dinner time Roomie and I were full on cursing Pauline. After dinner talk produced plans that included egging the house, moving into the apartment regardless of whether Pauline called us or not, and using the power of Facebook to invite the whole of the city to a bash at the apartment just to get revenge.

By the time 9pm rolled around all that was left was disappointment at the fact that we didn't get the apartment, indignance at the sheer rudeness of Pauline's lack of communication, and these three words: Pauline, Suck it!

Sales Tactics

One of the most peculiar things about aparment or job hunting is the neccesity to sell oneself.

At least I find it peculiar...and well, difficult.

I wish I had the blind confidence to walk up to a potential boss/landlord/boyfriend and say (in so many words) "I am the person you want. I am the person you need. No one else will be able to fill this space better than I can." Confidence is confidence inspiring however it seems to me that when it comes to self confidence that statement loses its potency.

I am capable. This I know, and to a certain extent I am able to demonstrate as such but for some reason the knowledge that other people believe in my capability, believe in me, makes me uncomfortable. I've never really been one to take compliments well, and that I am certain relates to self confidence, or rather a lack thereof.

Maybe I'm too humble for my own good... that sounds pompous. I think that's why I am so uncomfortable with the idea of selling myself, I find the notion of expounding one's virtues, strengths and abilities to be inherently self-indulgent and ostentatious - qualities that I do not like in others. In a job market such as today's, or when meeting with a landlord, or perhaps even on a date (although in that area I assure you I hold no expertise) a bit of turgid behaviour is necessary. I mean, if I don't speak up and explain all of my assets than who will? Certainly not my competition.

I think this is my first major lesson upon moving to 'the big smoke'... okay second, the first was always wear comfortable, non-blister inducing shoes when walking around exploring your new city.

I really want to go to the Ballet.

I would love to see The Sleeping Beauty, but I looked this morning and all of the seats in my price range (read: nosebleed section) were sold out for the remainder of the run. Shame.

There is something about ballet that is so....majestic. I haven't seen many, but the ballets that I have seen have been spellbinding - and this includes each performance of the Halifax Dance interpretation of the Nutcracker that I have seen more times than I can count. It is such a marriage of athleticism, grace, costume, music, emotion and performance, and it is just so beautiful.

Hopefully I can get to Swan Lake - I have yet to see a large scale production of a classic ballet piece and I feel like that would be a good place to start.

For more ballet fun, check out this article or take a look at this blog.

Fashion Daydreams

Oh please oh please, if I could have any of the items off this runway I would die a happy girl.

(I may currently be homeless and jobless, but my fantasies are still intact; Yessiree!)

Does that include utilities??

Ay me, what a day.

Today the business of moving to a new city really hit me. New cell phone plans, and apartment hunting, and apartment viewing (ieee). There's a lot to do before I can really feel at home here.

Tonight roomie and I saw three apartments. I decided a good aid for making an informed decision would be to write down our immediate reactions post-viewing. Tonight's apartments yielded these results:

#1 - NO.

#2 - Location not a fave

- bright

- close to amenities

- backyard!!!

- mantle

- small bathroom (in basement)

- negotiable lease term

- no place to sit and eat

#3 - location a bit better

- residential neighbourhood

- large apartment

- landlord nice

- no closets (!!)

- great potential

--->application entered

Overall I'd say we're off to a great start, and I certainly did not expect to get a place my first day out there (although who knows what will happen with that third apartment...). My fabulous Toronto apartment is out there - I can feel it. More updates from the field to come.

Big City, Big Dreams

Somehow I survived my packing ordeal and made it to Toronto. Woo hoo!

The "move" doesn't feel real yet, because
a) I've only been here 3 days
b) half of my things are still in Halifax, boxed up and patiently awaiting shipment
and
c) I have yet to get a place to live, or even a Toronto phone number

but SOON [hopefully] everything will come together and I will be living the fabulous life that seemed to elude me in Halifax.


...This is a terribly, terribly boring entry. I am sorry. I'm still recovering from my night out on the town last night. Perhaps after a nap I will have something more interesting to say. In the meantime maybe you could read something interesting here, or something funny over here, or perhaps look at some photos of my new town

*sigh*

If my dreams came true, I would move to Toronto and find an apartment like this one... and/or instead of moving to Toronto, I'd be moving to Paris; just sayin'.


If I could find my camera right now, (or if my GD computer would permit me to post pictures) I would share a photo of my bedroom at this moment. I can't however, so let me just try to paint a little picture so that perhaps you can understand why right now I'd rather look at blogs for hours, or watch daytime TV than deal with what I can only describe as a total state of complete disarray.
::Currently squished next to a pile of clothing deemed 'take later' items, on a chair that also has 'coats to be mended and sent at a later date' and 'clothes to give away' on either armrest.
::On my floor there is a stack of miscellaneous papers and paraphernalia to sort through, a cardboard box filled with picture frames, etc to be closed up for shipping, packing tape, brown paper (to wrap breakables), half-a-dozen clothing hangers (victims of cleaning out the closet), and an almost entirely full suitcase.
::Bed is COVERED in clothes that still have to [miraculously] fit into the suitcase on the floor, the occasional belt/purse, 3 make-up bags filled with miscellaneous (but absolutely necessary) lotions, potions, polishes and powders, my cookbooks and winter scarves/gloves
::Closet/cupboard/vanity still contains a DVD collection, half of a shoe collection, a rather hilarious group of mugs that I refuse to part with, more cosmetics, jewelery, a picture frame that I just realized I forgot to wrap up and a wine opener, that sadly does not come with a bottle to open.

Helloooooo my entire afternoon/evening. Awesome.

But enough complaining, and back to work - on the bright side, at least I'm not sneezing uncontrollably


PS. Just had to edit this post so that I could include this marvelous little ditty: (It seems appropriate what with all this packing complaing and talk of my fantasy life)

Ode to the Clementine

'Tis the season, folks.

The joyous pre-Christmas, vitamin C-enriched, Clementine season; and I. Am. Pumped. I friggin' love these juicy, sweet, convienient, delicious little orange morsels. I love their smell, the facility with which they peel, how they are perfectly bite-sized, never bitter, always juicy and just...just what a snack-sized citrus fruit was meant to be.

Oi

Fun Alex Fact: I have a tendency to bury my head in the sand when confronted with a task I deem to be stressful. Only problem is, avoiding tackling said task doesn't make the necessity of the task disappear, and all I do is procrastinate until the point where I am under some sort of extreme timeline, and said task ends up being infinitely more stressful than it would have been had I just dealt with it outright.

Par exemple, I have been home for close to 3 weeks now. The purpose of coming home was to pack up the rest of my things and prepare for my move to Toronto. What the trip turned into was a mostly social visit filled with lots of lolling about (read: procrastination/utter avoidance). Now I have 3 days to accomplish all of the things that I should have been working on for the past three weeks (packing, sorting, Dr's appointments) as well as some how fit in goodbyes/visits with everyone in Halifax. It is entirely overwhelming, and also incredibly frustrating because I have brought it on myself.

So may I extend heartfelt apologies for being neglectful, dear blog. Next week I'll be back on track, I promise.

On another note...

The other day I watched Across the Universe (which I love) in yet another maneuver to put off packing. Ever since I've had Oh Darlin' stuck in my head, and so I shall share it with you!




I'm thinking it would make a good karaoke song... then again I don't karaoke so what do I know.

It's Guy Fawkes day!

Remember, remember, the 5th of November
The Gunpowder Treason and plot;
I know of no reason why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes,
'Twas his intent
To blow up the King and the Parliament.
Three score barrels of powder below.
Poor old England to overthrow.
By God's providence he was catch'd,
With a dark lantern and burning match

Holloa boys, Holloa boys,
let the bells ring
Holloa boys, Holloa boys,
God save the King!

Hip hip Hoorah!
Hip hip Hoorah!

A penny loaf to feed ol'Pope,
A farthing cheese to choke him.
A pint of beer to rinse it down,
A faggot of sticks to burn him.
Burn him in a tub of tar,
Burn him like a blazing star.
Burn his body from his head,
Then we'll say: ol'Pope is dead.


Sometimes I feel like I was meant to British. London is unequivocally my favourite city in the world, I am prone to saying 'lovely', I drink tea more than I drink water; and I really kind of wish that tonight I could bundle up, make a thermos of hot chocolate, and watch some fireworks.

I wish I was as cool as these kids:

Those are some serious moves.

Video found here

Today the weather matches the date. It is gray, wet and gloomy - yes folks, November is here.

I spent the first part of my afternoon slowly (and half-heartedly) packing up the contents of my room, and I had the inclination to take my lap top in to be fixed, but quite frankly all I want to do on a day like today is curl up with a good book.

Instead, I'm going to curl up with Twilight, Book 3 - Eclipse.

Photos from here and here

Just a little sumthin' sumthin'

Just read a great post and thought I'd share. Good idea, I just might try it..

You know you're bored when...

So it's 10:30 and I am in bed, not tired, and bored senseless.

What to do to pass the time?

Well, I just finished watching Wuthering Heights on the 'Viva' channel. It was just as depressing as I remember the book being when I suffered through it at the tender age of 13. Took up a good two hours though, and call me crazy but there's something about Ralph Fiennes that ain't so bad to look at.









...maybe? Maybe I'm just a sucker for tortured men
in period costume...







Now that I am cosied up in my room, concsiously refusing to do anything "productive" I have stumbled upon, and partaken in the "Fairy Name Generator". In case you're curious:

Your fairy is called Gossamer Willowweb

She is a caster of weird dreams.

She lives in spiderwebbed wonderlands and insect grottos.

She is only seen in the mist of an early morning.

She wears tiny black spiders on her dresses. She has delicate green coloured wings like a cicada.

Get your free fairy name here!

Oh and if you feel like watching an inspiring and artistic contemporary dance number to pass some time then here you go:

What the heck, may as well throw in another trailer from my 'must see' list while I'm at it: